It's getting late, let's talk

I'm not sure why people have this tendency of wanting to start a long, emotional and complex conversation in the middle of the night. It always ends with both of you incredibly tired, hungry and most commonly discouranged. It's a time when we are suppose to sleep which puts our minds and bodies in a different state, a state that perhaps is just a little bit more vulnerable and sensitive. I think it's common knowledge. Let's speculate around this; During this time something happens, we start to think and digest things, just as our bodies begin to process the activities of the day and gradually putting itself into rest mode. If there's something we've been holding in during the day, it will most likely want to be expressed now, maybe because we subconsciously want to finish off and get closure in all areas before we go to sleep, and not drag our emotional upsets with us to the next day.

Even if this would be the case and there's not really any bad intentions involved - you just want to clear things up so that you can get a good night sleep, maybe if you hold things in you'll end up thinking about it all night and get annoyed, twisting and turning in bed - As we lay there, there's not really much else to do than think about things and try to relax. But when there's feelings and thoughts involved that make you uneasy, relaxing is hard, and sleeping is harder. So maybe your instinct is to try to get rid of it in a way you think would help, only, I bet you don't think talking to someone at this stage wouldn't be a wise idea considering the previous noted aspects.

We are tired. We are extra vulnerable. We don't have enough energy to deal with things we otherwise probably could.

This late hour is an interesting one, it's a time of the day that should be treated as sacred and people should act according to how they actually feel - taking into consideration that we're actually tired and sensitive, and the best thing we can do is to relax and calm down from the stressful day we just left behind us - not deal with dramas (that would be for the next stressful day to sort out). We owe it to ourseleves to at least try not to talk about things that might be upsetting at night because it puts us in imbalance, and most of the time it takes hours and hours to work things out, and to choose the hours we're suppose to sleep to do this is just not very intelligent. Specifically it doesn't benefit us all that much the next day when we're excruciatingly tired and can't think clearly (- thus a bad circle, seeing that a sluggish mind will most likely create even more problems).

I think Tom Bombadil (well, JRR Tolkien) deliver this quite well;

"Some things are ill to hear when the world's in shadow."

So how do we fix this? We all know it's easier said than done, and not only because during the day most people are unavailable to talk. Well, maybe the best way to solve this would be to avoid the "piling" of negative emotions. By using an arising and disbanding technique, meaning, acknowledging when an issue is arising and then letting it disband by addressing it right then and there. Sometimes you don't even need to talk about certain issues that arise in order for them to disband, sometimes it's enough to just let the other person know your reaction. The key to most situations is to open the honesty door. When you've opened the honesty door you're suddenly invited to step into a room called "perspective", and as we all know, perspective is only the antechamber to the room you really want to be in, - understanding. (I'm not sure why I'm painting a picture of a house trying to explain this.)

Surprising to no one, trying to solve issues and work through emotional upsets in the middle of the night is only energy draining and should be prevented and avoided as much as possible. But when these talks do happen, it's also important to be understanding to why they're actually happening then and there, and not sooner, more timely. Being timely can be tricky, because we're taught that there's a time and place for everything, and placing these conversations is hard. However, the main guideline is: Not in the middle of the night.