I find myself in a moment right now, where I once again realise that I've somehow put aside my own true aspirations and let myself be too involved in someone else's way of life. Thinking things through, I suddenly realise too the parts of the everyday me that are truly me, and no one else's influence. When you surround yourself with different people, it's easy to get lost, and to get influenced in many various ways, not saying that this is always bad, but sometimes I think that this is what mostly confuses people. When they subconsciously submit to someone else's way of thinking and feeling and forget how they really want to live and be, and feel themselves, and not only want, but simply who they really are without trying.
I find myself caught inside a reminder, like I just read a mental note I placed in my head as a child. Things have become clearer and clearer with every day, week, month, year.. Ironically the clearer things become, the more confused I feel about humanity, and that what really matters is put aside in most cases regarding most people. Are they trapped inside someone else's view? Have they been mislead by someone or something that didn't know they were misleading? And how are things really suppose to be?
Everyone would surely have their own answer to that.
So many times I've felt misunderstood by people. And so many times I've felt misunderstood even by myself. Maybe because I've been living partly always by someone else's rules, even though I haven't really wanted to.
We are raised to be independent. We are taught that being dependant is unattractive (- to need other people, hell, I know I was raised like that). But the meaning of being dependant in today's society means something completely different to what it meant thousands of years go. Being independent then would probably only mean being able to survive on your own until you find a group of people you can live with and work together with (isn't that kind of funny?). Now independency is something that roughly means going through life trying to manage to do everything yourself and on your own, and in conjunction with that you're suppose to have friends and family that can help you out only when you really need their help, and if you do need their help you're suppose to feel a bit ashamed about it, like it hurts your pride. And for some reason being dependant on someone means that you're not capable of living a fulfilling life and not capable of taking care of yourself. To what extent is all this? How far gone are we?
My only "dream" in this world is to live a happy life together with people and other beings. It's about a system that feels natural and is without shame of oneself for something one shouldn't feel ashamed of. It's about sharing and caring, and trusting, and giving and taking. It's about consciousness and awareness, and compassion, and consideration. And yet, few people seem to understand these fundamental things. And when I try to explain to someone what my dream is, what I want to do with my life and how I want to live it, it goes beyond their understanding. It would be but a dream, an unrealistic way of life that doesn't comply with the political and consumer system and society. It doesn't comply with a career within that world, which for some reason is so important for everyone to have (well of course it is, without it the system is not encouraged). And I wonder why it would be so bad, or debilitating to live in harmony instead of trying to go against what feels natural because, everyone else is doing it (I mean is that why? Is that the reason? Surely there must be a reason which benefits our wellbeing……)
Why do we need to feel all this shame? Why do we need to make each other feel bad about our dreams?
Why do we need to feel like we have power over other people and beings? Why do we need to compromise with ourselves just to get by everyday? Is it just me, or does it feel like we're kind of striving for the same things, but plan to get there in all the wrong ways?
I've been thinking about this for years.. And for years I've heard that you have to, you HAVE to, be a part of the system in order to one day "sort of" break free from it (because there's no real escaping). That the ONLY way to live the way you want, is through money, you need money for everything, to be able to create the life you want to live. But does that mean that we don't live our lives every day then? Does that mean we can only truly live after we've put ourselves through this madness that make thousands of people scared and depressed and tired and sick? I can hear that saying echo in my head again "life is hard". I say it shouldn't be. I say we have the means inside of us to change that saying into another - "life is good".
To get places you don't need money, you need people. Because, look around yourself, what do you see? Observe all the activities that occurs around you, what is there but living beings and the elements of nature. Everything that is man-made, is just that, made by man. Money didn't build the society we live in today, we did. And so, what are we? And who are we to be blinded by power, and let that aspiration take away our humanity.
We are not broken. We have only forgotten. The modern society is not something to fear, but what has build it is the aspiration of power, and THAT is something to fear. It's the one thing that is truly wrong in this world.
To end this post, I'd just like to say that I love each and everyone of you, and I wish only the best for you. I hope we can share a happy life together on this earth one day.
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